Quotes across all seasons
Season 1
"Maybe they came back for Chinese food. Maureen Stapleton, if she gets a craving, she's probably screamin' at those aliens: 'I gotta have a Lo mein!'"
"Deduct a minimum of two days off all expiration dates. No meat, no leftovers, no butter. And I cannot overstate this: no soft cheeses of any kind."
Season 2
"Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You got to rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over."
"A relationship is an organism. You created this thing and then you starved it so it turned against you. Same thing happened to The Blob."
Season 3
"Every time somebody recommends a doctor they say he's the best. Can they all be the best? Someone's graduating at the bottom of these classes."
"The problem with the blind date is that you go in with no preconceptions. It's too scary. You need some sort of bar to aim for."
Season 4
"My father's watch. A seventeen jewel Swiss movement. He wore it every day since 1958. And now I sold it for seven hundred dollars."
"Babu came from Pakistan, built a business, and I mailed his visa notice to the wrong address. I am the worst person in the world."
Season 5
"Golden Boy is always the first shirt I wear out of the laundry. He's slowly dying. Each wash brings him one step closer — that's what makes him such a tragic figure."
"I love saying 'my wife.' Once I started saying it I couldn't stop — 'my wife' this, 'my wife' that. It's an amazing way to begin a sentence."
Season 6
"She calls me this morning and tells me she's upset I didn't console her. I mean it was \"Beaches\" for god's sake. What, what do you do in a situation like that?"
"\"I dunno how you could forget . He kept reffering to himself in the third person. \"Jimmy's under the boards. Jimmy's in the open. Jimmy makes the shot.\""
Season 7
"You know the message you're sending out to the world with sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up.'"
"I keep pretending to like this gum. I can't stand this gum. But I keep chewing it and saying it's great."
Season 8
"I bought them a Cadillac. They sold the Cadillac. They sold the car I bought them and gave the money to Jack Klompus."
"My parents sold the Cadillac because they didn't want to feel beholden to me. Which means the gift was a failure."
Season 9
"\"I don't really have enough room.\" George, [seeing Elaine and Puddy come into Monk's]: \"Yeah. Hey, Lainie, Puddy.\""
"\"It's a Wizard electronic organizer for my dad. I'm goin' to Florida for his birthday.\""
Other characters
